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welcome to my blog
When girls are given the right tools to succeed, they can create incredible futures,not only for themselves but for all of those around them
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This inspire me
If people judge you let them judge you. Let them misunderstand you. Let them gossip about you. Their opinions aren't your problems. You stay kind, committed to love, and free in your authenticity. No matter what they do or say, don't you dare doubt your worth or the beauty of your truth. Just keep shining like you do.
More You Grow More You Know
You are capable of more than you know! Learning never stops
at least for me. Without struggle life is not life, this is life and we have to
accept whatever comes on the way.
I learned a lot this
year and yet so much more to know, it will be a New Year in four hours. Back in
January I and my friends were stressed as the exams were approaching in less
than three months. Our farewell was celebrated in April, we wore sari, and we
sang and danced all day long. That was one day I will always remember in
vibrant colours. We met for the last time after results came out. A lot of
promises were made to keep in touch, but as the life proceeded promises were
forgotten and we kept moving ahead (I hope we meet againL )
Along with graduation I was pursuing web programming and within
the program I got very much interested in digital marketing. I started unpaid
internship at my institute. One month into the internship my graduation result
came out I was really disheartened by the way my result had turned out, so work
became a welcomed distraction. I worked for my institute for three months in
total. After that my teacher suggested to search for a job, he then introduced
me to Indeed app. I uploaded my resume and got a job offer. This was a
thrilling experience for me. I cleared the interview in first attempt.
I joined office as a SEO executive. Even with a number of
restrictions on us I was enjoying the job. I was the youngest employee. I made
two friends, both were my seniors but were really kind and helpful. I got
glimpse of life as a self-dependent adult, it was an exhilarating experience.
One of the manager who was in hiring committee would flirt with me, I had let
it go at that time but now when I look back I feel like I should have taken
some serious measures to stop that. We celebrated Diwali together, the work was
good. But one day boss called my friends in his cabin and fired hem from the
job. I was scared at this point, I was called in, I was given the option to
continue but without any pay for next four to five months. I asked for some
time to answer as I had to consult my father on this matter. The fact that I
would no longer be able to work with my friends was far more depressing than
possibility of not having a job from next day onwards. I went home with a heavy
heart. Papa advised me to leave the job, so the very next day I went to the
office and signed my resignation letter.
I had joined this job in the hopes of being able to paying my
masters fees, but here I was unemployed and confused out of my mind. I was home
for a solid week and I felt empty. After a week of job hunting I was called for
two interviews one the same day. Papa accompanied me to both interviews. I
cleared both the interviews, but the location of one of the offices was too far
so I chose one closer to home. This new office was situated in Hauz Khas
Village and the lunch area boasted of a view of Deer Park. As an eternal
optimist, I was hopeful that finally something would work out just as planned.
On the first day of the job I met three other trainees. As it
was our first day we were not given any tasks, we then were called in the
conference room to meet and greet other employees. I was starting my job with
Diksha, Himanshu and Sanju. All of them were nice and friendly and receiving
but I vibed the most with Himanshu.
The work was mildly demanding but nothing I couldn’t handle,
HR told us to take it easy. After a week HR took us for a small walk in the
park, he asked us a few personal questions. It seemed like a casual interest so
we answered politely. Next day he bitched about Himanshu to Diksha but instead
of acting in anger she calmly handled the situation and confirmed with
Himanshu. We were suspicious of HR playing mind games with us. He then told us
two out of three partners had left the partnership. Our suspicion was confirmed
when he informed Diksha and me that we were fired because we were not
performing well. The matter was further complicated when we pointed out their
lack of professionalism.
But at the end we were fired without any solid reason. I was
angry not because I was fired but because my time was wasted unnecessarily. I
could have used those two weeks working at some other place.
Not many regrets in this year. Got into two jobs but
experience was not that good. But I’m just twenty, this was a wrap of 2019. The
year was bittersweet at best. Taught me so many valuable lessons. With hope in
my heart I’m stepping into 2020, I wish that 2020 will bring happiness, good
luck, more enthusiasm, positivity and new adventures to you all HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The joke’s on you
All my life I believed that my parents unlike any
other Nepali parents believed on the importance of education. But the
illusion melted as I finished the school. Past two years were absolute torture and just
thinking of many more coming makes me dizzy.
No judging this is my theory – when you grow up
watching people doing something which technically is not right, you tell
yourself that you’d be different. You grow up fancying that you are better than
others around you, but in reality you long to do the same thing but won’t admit.
My parents are just like that.
In Nepal most of the girls get married by the age
of eighteen. The idea of girls being a burden in father’s
shoulders is prevalent hence marrying them off AS SOON AS POSSIBLE is
considered advantageous. We don’t call dowry as dowry we call it gift. The price of
the gift measures the love. If somebody refuses to come to the wedding
gossips run down the hierarchy of relatives that so and so person didn’t attend
the wedding because of his inability to give a gift. Torment is inexorable.
My bad, I start rambling as soon as the topic is
raised. Coming back to my parents. All my life I
believed that my parents could never go wrong. It was I who was wrong. Realization
came when I turned eighteen.
Last year my cousin got married. My mother would
come up to me with longing in her eyes. She deliberately took rounds around me, thinking I
didn’t notice but I did, loudly wondering that if I would marry a man holding a
lot of land in Nepal itself. This kept on for around six months, or in other
words it took nearly six moths for her to recover from that marriage. Papa too
sometimes indicated towards his desire to see me married, though neither in
many words nor clearly.
You see my condition is not an easy one or easily
comprehensible. Since my father came to India young and started
earning for his family, he wants me to do the same, although he won’t admit all
this.
For some time now I’ve noticed a subtle change in his way of speaking to me or
about me with others. Even my extended family is suggesting me to take
up a job just after my graduation. Their advise for me is that just like other
children around me I don’t need a lot of education, that it is easy for a
graduate to get a job. Only it is not as easy as they say. No one is sitting
out there, waiting for me with a job. This is not damn 1989 this is 2018, the struggle
is greater. But understanding is irreplaceable.
I believe that all this is somehow related to me
being a girl. Yes all this is happening ‘cause I am a girl, and
in that matter firstborn. Boys are encouraged in almost all their decisions
but when it comes there is always some reluctance shown. Why?? A
cousin of mine, a boy, is refusing to study even after constant begging
form his parents. His father works as domestic help, mother is unresponsive or
rather blind with her love for her children. He decided to open a butcher shop,
and no soul questions him on his face but gossip behind his back. Both of us
belong to the same family, are of around same age, he doesn’t care but I do.
Expectations are not in peace with reality. There are a
few smarties out there who plan to live on pieces of their parent, and I, like
an idiot, want study more and empower myself. To all others the inflow money is more important
than independence. Is money everything? I think, no.
Sometimes in peaceful lap of night’s silence I
wonder that maybe one day will come when I won’t be seeking consent of every
other person, that there will be a morning when I will not double check my
decisions, that my heart will be in peace. What all I can do for now is hope…