Sindur

The idea of perfect life differs from person to person. My ideal life consists of me completing my studies, getting my dream job of traveling world tasting food, building house on some hill station, getting married to an army man, adopting children and live a satisfied life.

My mother one day met a women who seemingly was lost. In sudden burst of kindness mother went over to her and asked if she could help her. This women could not talk in Hindi properly, she was new in the city and was in search of CGHS (Central Government Heath Scheme)  clinic. On talking to her for a few more minutes mummy got to know that her husband was also in BSF(Border Secutiry Force) and she lived in the same area. Both women went inside the clinic, got checked up by the same doctor and left the clinic. The other women asked mummy to keep in touch and showed her house. My mother told us all this that evening and was very happy to help somebody deal with the situation she herself was in around twenty years ago. She was happy also because of the reason that she got to live near somebody from BSF, like happy old days.

Mr Umesh Pandey and Mrs Champa Pandey visited us after a couple of days. As we never actually lived in a camp (or I don’t have any recollection of it, I don’t know), we were happy to receive somebody from same background. The evening went by easily, we all sat and talked like we knew each other from a long time. We got minor details of their lives. They were married for more than thirty years, they had four children together, they lived in Bihar and shifted here recently, they were allotted three bedroom apartment and rented first room and, the most important piece of information, she referred to her husband as sahib.

Time went on and visits continued. It was only after a year, that bits of upsetting information was coming into focus. These things somehow made me feel hollow, from my perspective her life seemed miserable and lifeless. She must have been very happy with her life as I didn’t see her trying to change things for better. Her fathomless innocence could be seen in her eyes. She had no idea that she had been exploited by hands of her husband for whole of her married life.

My father always said when you see an angry bull take ten steps backwards, but when you see a deceptive change your way. So our dear Mr Umesh Pandey, who seemed very nice, actually not nice. He was a two faced man whose actual nature was only known to his wife and his children, I just got a hint of it and tried to maintain a safe distance. He started opening up with my father and told a lot about himself. He had three daughter, two of them married. He used hush money to pay for his daughters, sixteen lakh rupees each. Why? What was the need?

This man used to beat his wife and son when angry. He said a lot of things to her and I happened to catch those lines quite many times. He once was laughing at his wife’s illiteracy and was boasting about how dumb she was and clearly wanted to humiliate her. This man here I am talking about used to order his wife around. In her last days in Delhi he warned her that he would push her off the train if she didn’t work according to him. This man avoided sleeping beside his wife because she had some medical problem and murmured all night. Not that I am saying that one should sacrifice everything just because of some problem with partner, all I am asking is a bit of patience. Authoritative I understand, but dictator in a relationship is beyond my thinking power. He told her to call him as sahib, maybe he liked the word and his ego stroked.

Whatever the reason may be, I never saw Mr Champa Pandey raise her voice to answer him back all she did was smile back. Not one day I saw her smile deter.

At first I thought she couldn’t understand what he used to say, but with time I noticed something changing in her eyes whenever he tried to humiliate her. Maybe it was her respect for sindur she never said countered back. Maybe it was her upbringing which refrained her from slapping him to remind him that he was not almighty. Maybe she took the phrase “pati parmeshwar” too seriously. Maybe the fear of being a divorcee was scarier than her actual situation.

Whatever the reason may be her Sindur was the cause of her pain and sufferings. In recent years I got to know one champa pandey but beyond four walls of my house there exists many Champa pandey suffering every day because of their sindur. If anything I will never be a Champa Pandey in my life.

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